Build Trust With a Personal Story

When it comes to breaking down walls with people, building trust and influencing them to act, few things beat a well-told story — especially a personal story.

I was reminded of this in an online workshop I recently conducted for PRSA. Participants were asked to submit stories on video for the group to review and learn from. 

One of our volunteers, Krista Malaney, represents an organization that promotes and finances affordable housing. So, she told a personal family story to help bring the concept to life.

It included a 10-second segment where she talked about her grandmother. I replayed it for the group and asked them what they saw. Repeatedly, people said, “Her face lit up.”

And it did. Krista projected warmth and affection with a smile, a twinkle in her eye and what can only be called a “glow.”

I asked the group, “Does Krista love her grandmother?” A cascade of “yeses” rained down in the chat window.

Personal stories connect.

This is why the best stories we can tell are the ones that come from our own personal experience. Because those are the stories that we’re most connected with. 

And when we’re connected to our story, our audience can’t help but feel connected to us. As we’re swept up, they’re swept up. Their walls come down and they become more receptive to our message.

You just can’t fake a moment like that. (Unless, perhaps, you’re a professional actor — or a con artist!)

That’s why I tell people to never go Googling for stories. (Or Chat GPTing!) Sure, you might find a story involving some historic or popular figure that resonates with you. But it’s doubtful you’ll ever exude that “glow” talking about, say, Thomas Edison.

Besides, our personal stories are much easier to find. You just need to know how to look.

Mine your experience for personal stories.

It’s my belief that every person should maintain an inventory of go-to stories they can use for the issues that most frequently arise in their work. Here’s how to find them.

Conduct what I call a story audit. Start by picking an audience you most need to influence. It can be a group (employees, customers, members, board of directors, constituents) or a specific individual (a senior executive, client contact, industry influencer, reporter).

Next, in one column make a list of their most common issues, interests, concerns, problems or objections. Then scour your experience to identify occasions where those issues have come up. Put those in another column.

Finally, work on turning those experiences into stories, with characters, conflict and resolution. 

Once armed with this bank of stories you should be able to trace a thread from whatever issue or problem is unfolding in front of you to a story that you can call up in the moment. As in, “This reminds me of a time a few years ago when we faced this same challenge …”

The more you exercise this muscle, the better you’ll be able to tap into stories on the fly — even for those issues you can’t predict.

Personal stories are not self-indulgent.

One final point. Some people have an aversion to telling personal stories, feeling it’s self-centered or egotistical.

I have three responses to that. First, while these are stories you’ve experienced or witnessed, that doesn’t mean you have to be the hero in all of them.

The character could be a fellow employee, a customer, a client or anyone else.

Second, even if you are the main character, that doesn’t mean you need to cover yourself in glory (“Everyone was petrified with indecision, then I stepped forward with a brilliant solution that saved the day …”) Bring a dose of humility and humanity to your story.

Third, and most important, you’re not telling the story purely for its own sake. You’re telling it because it’s relevant to solving the problem at hand.

Now then, a big part of your story’s success lies in how you tell it. That’s what we’ll cover in next month’s column. ϖ