How to Say No at Work

For many of us, it’s hard to say no — especially to our bosses or co-workers. We’re often conditioned to say yes, even to taking on extra tasks outside our role, working during PTO or attending unnecessary meetings.

“But saying yes to things we don’t want to do also has terrible consequences — it can make us unhappy and resentful,” says Vanessa Patrick, author of “The Power of Saying No.”

To change this, first understand what someone is asking and the most effective way to respond. Then, set up “personal policies” that clearly define what you will and won’t accept — and stick to them — she writes in The Wall Street Journal.

Patrick’s research shows that people say yes because they are concerned about their reputation. They’re worried about damaging a relationship or being thought of as unprofessional or inept.

Instead, remember that people will think of you as “more decisive and purpose-driven when you say no the right way.” Also, they would rather you tell them no at the outset, rather than being disappointed that you were unable to keep your word later.

Instead of avoiding saying no, being awkward about it or offering a wishy-washy response that leaves the door open for a yes, communicate your refusal candidly.

Set personal boundaries for yourself and uphold these rules to help guide your choices and help you feel less stressed about saying no. Say something like, “I don’t take calls or meetings after 6 p.m. or on the weekends, because that is family time.”

This way, it’s clear that your answer is tied to values and priorities instead of a mood or schedule — also you sound confident and are less likely to receive pushback.

Use strong language, and don’t give excuses or say that you’re sorry unless it’s warranted. “Communicate that the refusal stems from our core principles rather than mere convenience,” by saying, “I don’t,” instead of “I’m sorry, I can’t,” the article says. This invites negotiation and questions, leaving the door open for the person to ask again later.

Remember to be personable in your response by adding a smile, friendly gestures and open body language, showing that this is about you and your priorities, rather than about declining the request and rejecting the asker.

Here are some tips, via the Journal, to set boundaries at work.

1. Ask yourself if the request is worth it.
2. Create personal policies — and stick to them.
3. Choose strong, clear language.
4. Be firm, not apologetic.
5. Bring warmth to your delivery.